I missed the connection with the life I wanted and ended up, due to my own choosing, with a life I dont recognize. I made bad choices and bad decisions and theres no one to blame but myself. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we make a decision, realize its a mistake then box ourselves in with no good way out? I am half in love and half in hate. From what I read here and in the CE area, there are a lot of other people just like me. Even though my husband can be a jerk, insensitive, and inattentive, he still does not deserve for me to cheat on him. Hes not a mean or cruel person. No one can do anything to earn being cheated on, regardless. I cannot rationalize myself into thinking, if he cant or wont give me what I want, no matter how often I tell him of my needs, then I will find it where I can.